how long does it take to get the negative influences of a shitty person out of your life, after you get rid of them? i really thought i had successfully avoided some of the bad karma that surrounds one of my "exes" (i use the term loosely because, although we did officially date each other at one point, the last time we were in each other's lives, we were certainly not together). once a person uses you and fucks with your head for so long, you are just done. when i was done, i cut all ties, even going so far as changing my phone number to avoid this guy. he left me comments on a mutual friend's status a few times, asking me to accept his friend request and saying that he couldn't get ahold of me by phone. gee, i wonder why. anyway, once the comments & facebook "pokes" subsided, i thought perhaps it was finally over for good. by this time, i was dating my most recent ex boyfriend and having one of the most awesome summers of my life, whcih i really needed. all of a sudden, almost a year later, i find out that apparently the guy's current girlfriend is convinced that not only am i stalking him (avoiding him in every way possible is a great way to stalk, right?), but i am also stalking HER, to the point that i have asked "several" people about and called her a whore, AND--here's the kicker--my current hair color(s) were an attempt to be just like her. basically all i wanted was my hairstyle from around this time last year (dark brown with red chunks in it), but with an extra color. my friend who is an amazing beautician gave me a cut & color, and together we decided on red & blue, because the only colors she had besides the red were blue and yellow, and i hate yellow. but apparently this was a premeditated venture, stemming from a non-existent facebook post. i guess. i don't know. i'm confused about that, but the one thing i know for sure is that someone is lying about me, and it's not cool. i have been trying to avoid drama associated with this scumbag for almost a year & a half now, and so far, i've been successful, because i ignored his repeated advances and made several people promise to never share my phone number with anyone at all, lest he end up with it. why do people want to stir up trouble, and why is saying/convincing people that you have "haters" so cool? i don't hate anyone, especially not the people i'm supposed to be "stalking," because in order to do hate (let alone stalk), you have to care about that person. i have so much more to worry about, especially lately. this whole situation actually sort of makes me feel like i'm being stalked. but i did block everyone in question to keep them from keeping up with me anymore, which makes me feel a little better. mostly i just wish i had never even met the first "ex" to which i referred. apparently, not only are all of his girlfriends (ex or otherwise) practically psycho, they make themselves feel better by pretending that everyone else is as well. /end rant.

i've been working on this long, drawn-out post about various happenings from the summer up to now.
lately, however, things just keep getting more & more fucked up.
how can someone just change overnight? i don't understand it.

also, i've probably said it a billion times, but i'm sick to death of being good to people only to get shit on in return.
i think perhaps i should just start being a megacunt to everyone. it would be a great defense mechanism, but i don't think i have it in me.

so today, the rest of my amazon order arrived. and of course, i was super excited. here it is ( in action ) and here it is ( closed. ) i think it's adorable. i'm a little iffy about the needle on it, but supposedly crosleys are good record playas--plus the price was beyond decent--so we'll see how it works out. as always, if you'd like to contribute to the cause that is my upcoming birthday/growing vinyl collection, feel free.

i feel like i'm confused about everything in my life right now. i don't like it. (well except for the people that i don't want in my life at all; i'm positive about those!) i've had a fairly positive streak lately, and i'd like to keep it that way. good vibes or something--send em my way. happy holiday weekend or whatever. haha.

first i want to say that there are 30 shopping days until my birthday, so if you'd like to make sure it's a happy one, all you need to do is buy me a record! my cute turntable & stooges record should arrive today, hopefully. i don't necessarily expect any of you to order me anything, but i won't be bummed if you do. haha. plus the good folks at amazon will send it right to my parents' house so it'll be safe & sound. ponder on it, perhaps. ;)

secondly, i must say, some people are so pathetic and childish. i'm not in junior high. being "mean" to me because i refuse to speak to you, just to evoke a response, is not going to work. period. i'm not the obsessive ex-girlfriend that you're used to, and that shit just doesn't faze me like you want it to, i guess. if you get off on being stalked by old flames, i can assure you that you don't need me anyway. you're set for life in that department. mutual friends come to me for advice. so what? get over it. i am.

welp, turns out everyone wanted to nap before i went home. which is fine with me, because i don't mind chilling out here & will probably end up napping myself. anyway i wanted to expand on the post a few hours ago and talk about some things i'm excited about.

i got these two records in the mail the other day. my adorable red record player and a reissue of the stooges' self-titled album are also on the way. thursday, however, i received a vincebus eruptum reissue by blue cheer (1968) and daisy by brand new (2009), ( both of which are amazing records ), and i can't wait to listen to them.

so who else misses myspace? seriously. before it got ridiculous, of course. i sorta do sometimes. am i alone on this?

well i'm running out of things to say, and quite honestly i'd like to smoke a cigarette. please don't hate. good morning, everyone.

i act pretty impulsively when it comes to small things--which sometimes backfires, i'll admit--but when it comes to huge life decisions, i can't seem to come to conclusions. i have a rare oppurtunity right now to go wherever and do whatever, within reason of course. why is that i can't decide?

maybe it's because when i make my quick, impulsive decisions (and my oh so famous foot-in-mouth moments), i end up questioning myself. johann wolfgang von goethe said, "as soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." apparently i don't trust myself yet. which would explain a lot of things, really. but i do trust some of my recent larger decisions. taking out the trash was definitely a fantastic move. now i just need to figure out my next step. where to go from here.

i really, really appreciate my friends. i feel like i can be repetitive with that statement, but i cannot stress it enough. i have some wonderful, amazing friends who really care a whole lot about me. believe me, i try to be there for them as much as possible as well. it's up to us to help get each other to wherever we're going.

one of these days, i'll get it all figured out.